Not to cause any drama, or bring up my personal issues (i keep to myself when it comes to those situations. I like to handle my issues on my own accord.) but recently I've felt a feeling of loneliness.
Its nothing bad, i just felt more keen on being alone than in a active group or with someone. Recently I've found myself single (i rather not discuss what happened, no one is to blame but lack of communication between the two of us, so respect my ex's space please.) and after I've just felt completely different. Even during i was feeling a bit solitary, like i did not belong, that she could find others way better. Not to guilt trip or look for pity, god no, but I've felt the distance and lack of communication was burdening her and i rather not put her through that. Above all of that, she and i are on good terms still.
Nonetheless, this all is sinking in now and its only getting worse and worse. I'm starting to be more hostile in groups, (not starting fights but just debates and disagreements, no language or insults are thrown at one another) and I've found myself wanting to be alone or just with one person to talk to at a time. I cannot quite explain it, but I've felt more just alienated i suppose? Now of course i have college, and it will drain me, as i am currently going into medical, so it could be just my mind getting used to not being in groups as much? but i doubt its that to be honest.
What I've felt is just, out of place. Like i do not belong with people, and that i'm just making things more glum or burdening people. Again, I'm not saying I'm the worst thing ever out there, no i doubt that (i am guilty of a many things, but not a total piece of trash.) And i have no thoughts of degrading my confidence in myself or harmful thoughts, i've just felt like a block weighing people down. Ever since a friend and i parted ways I've been more atone to handling my situations myself, often being alone and thinking deeply for hours on end, rather than vent out to people i know and care about. I guess i was just worried they may think i was going to be a "drama queen" or going to be an overall issue to someone. So I decided to just handle things personally and put it behind me and move on. Focusing more on the future rather than the past.
Regardless, Sorry if this put anyone in a bad mood at all, I just felt the need to come on and vent out a little bit of pent up stress on my shoulders, writing helps so i figured i post an update and talk to those who still watch me.
I'll be fine, don't worry, just a bit confused right now but i'll surely get back on track.
Anyways, take care everyone, and stay safe out there.